We spend all our energies on keeping our partners happy, but the key to a healthy relationship just requires you to play smart. In fact, if you want a growing relationship there a list of things you need to avoid doing and save yourself the trouble. It wouldn’t mean at all that you have stopped loving your partner or you don’t care about them, but it’s as simple as that there are certain limits, which shouldn’t be crossed no matter what. It’s good for the both of you.
It’s always better to state your opinions every now and then, especially on things that really matter to you. Trust me it would help you in the long run. And there is nothing wrong in it, and it’s completely normal.
Your partner needs to be exposed to the good, bad and the ugly side of your personality. According to the famous Clinical Psychologist, Dr. Paul DePompo, your behavior with your partner determines the nature of the relationship you would likely have with your partner. If you were used to making the compromise, then you would end up making the compromise your entire life. Even if you decide to change things later in life, it will reap no benefits. So if you see it in the long run, it’s not that healthy for you.
Annie Wright, a licensed marriage, and family therapist have the best advice for us. She says, “ Every relationship is based on the give and take principle. And it’s extremely important to keep that in mind”. If you have been saying to YES! To everything your partner wanted without intending to do so, then it is really the time to consider other options. To prove your self-worth in a relationship you really need to avoid making the following mistakes.
1: AGREEING TO EVERYTHING THEY PLAN TO DO
Just because you want to be the better person in a relationship, does not mean that your partner can be in charge of everything. Try to take the lead in choosing your favorite restaurant and the film you want to watch this Sunday. Letting your partner be the boss all the time will spoil your mood, and soon you will be fed up with the things you never wanted to do. If you get in the habit of it, eventually you would not have a choice of your own. It is always better to agree upon the things you both enjoy doing or just do one thing this weekend that you enjoy and let your partner choose what they want to do, the weekend after.
2: TRYING TO GIVE UNNECESSARY ADVICE
Being a part of a relationship, it is often difficult to stop yourself from offering advice that would lead you to a better future. But most of the time this advice may just not agree with your partner’s needs. Instead of being appreciated for the good piece of advice, your opinion is discouraged. This can harm your self-esteem. It is better to let your partner deal with his or her monetary and career problems. The unwanted advice may just get you disappointed in them even though you had the right intention, says relationship therapist and Relationship founder Rhonda Millard. It is better to save your precious advice and provide it only if they ask for it.
3: TRYING TO BE THEIR THERAPIST WHEN THEY ARE DEPRESSED
Dealing with a partner that is depressed and anxious is hard. You would obviously put your utmost efforts to change their situation. But trying to be their therapist at that time would only do you the harm. The marriage therapist Caroline Madden says that it would put an extra responsibility on you to deal with their problems. It’s better to avoid being over burdened. And just let them handle it on their own, or if it’s that worse ask them to consult a psychiatrist. Depression is somewhat contagious, and you don’t want two depressed souls roaming around the house like zombies.
4: BEING THE FIRST TO APOLOGIZE
Don’t Always put yourself out there to be sorry, even for the mistakes you did not make. “Both individuals in a relationship are responsible for resolving the dispute,” emphasizes the Relationship Expert, Sage B. Hobbs. You may want to avoid the unnecessary conflict and be the first to apologize, but this is not the way to a healthy relationship. If you will make it a habit the other person will get used to it and they will never realize their mistakes like ever.
5: SAYING THINGS ARE OKAY WHEN THEY AREN’T
We all are in the habit of saying things are fine when they really aren’t. I have done it, you have done it, and we all do it just to keep things settled. But is it worth it? That is the million-dollar question. We think that we are keeping the relationship healthy by avoiding the unnecessary drama, but these feelings would backfire in the long wrong with is not good for the relationship at all. Wright says that the emotional connectivity between a couple requires honesty, so it is better to avoid saying that you are fine when things are way above your head. We need burst this bubble of our misconception and see the real picture that who are we fooling?
6: PREDICTING AND PROVIDING FOR THEIR NEEDS
Relationships retain the balance when you stop anticipating for all the needs of your partner and providing everything to fulfill them. Ms. Wright elaborates how important it is to create a vacuum in providing for these requirements so that your partner may realize and understand what you are doing. Rather, you should give them the time to ask for certain things before being their genie – fulfilling their every desire. Not only you are spoiling them, and you are basically making them dependent on you. And it would turn out to be a big problem for you afterward.
7: SAYING YES TO SEX WHEN YOU DON’T WANT TO
Physical boundaries need to be valued, says Wright. It’s your choice whether or not you want to have sex or not and you need to communicate that to your partner quite clearly. Most people often just agree to have sex so that they don’t offend their partners. And forcing sex on your partner is completely unacceptable.
And in reality, you constitute the relationship, and it is very important to tell your partner about your feelings. You need to respect your choice, and you need to comply with the choice of your partner, a partner who truly loves you will surely understand, and you need to do the same.
8: TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR PARTNER’S FAMILY
It is always best to stop indulging in your partner’s family disputes, even if you are better at resolving conflicts. This will worsen your own relationship with your partner and their family if things go wrong, DePompo advice. The best way to deal with the matter is to ask your partner how you can help them through this difficult time and leave the rest to them. Be supportive in times your partner is really going through hell.
They are a family whatever you say can be held against you, you never know when. It wouldn’t ever matter that how good were your intentions, so be as careful as you can. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t support your partner at all, just don’t get involved in his personal family conflicts.
9: HIDING THEIR MISTAKES
If your partner has been abusive to you and you remember all the nasty things he or she has said to you, you just don’t ignore it. Don’t cover up for their mistakes and assume that their aggressive emotions caused that to happen. According to a psychotherapist Kristin Neumann, if you do this you are basically encouraging your partner’s bad behavior. Don’t let them get away with this. To avoid such circumstances in the future, you need to take some action right away. You need to tell them their mistakes rather than putting a cover on them until they’re ashamed of what they’ve done and apologized for it.
In the end, it all comes down to having a sound and healthy relationship. Just try to give your best in a relationship, love deeply, care endlessly but expect the same in return from your partner and never settle for any less than that you deserve. Keep in mind self-respect and dignity is the most important thing that a person has. Don’t ever let it get hurt or damaged or you’ll end up regretting later on. No matter how much you are in love with your partner, your self-worth is still much more important than anything else.
10: TAKING ALL THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE CHORES
It’s not your responsibility to do all the chores. You need to make a complete chart that shares the responsibility. You are not the only one living in the house, and it is advised to avoid putting the entire burden on your shoulders and assign a task for your partner. Helping each other in a relationship is very much essential. And you shouldn’t act like a fool by doing all the things on your own and not asking your partner to share the burden of work.
You are not responsible for their remiss, and they need to know that. Let them take the initiative. Wright says that when to take a step back you allow your partner to take the lead, which eventually leads to a better relationship change.
11: TRYING TO INFLUENCE THEIR BAD HABITS
You often need to have a real influence over your partner who is desperately trying to overcome one of his or her bad habits. Instead of being a spoiler to their hard work trying to motivate them in achieving their goals. Relationship Expert Marcus Kusi says, “ Couples need to encourage each other and try to be the best versions of themselves.” Support them in the bringing the positive change that they are seeking to bring in their lives. You can’t certainly redo their entire life but you can keep up with the words of motivation, and you can definitely support them.